I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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