Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
