I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
