Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
