So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
