Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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