today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize