dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
