my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
