a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
