you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
