Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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