Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
