i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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