Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
