Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
