How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize