Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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