dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
