Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
