Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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