I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
