I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
