Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
