i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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