just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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