Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
