it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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