is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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