well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
