I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
