we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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