i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
