In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
