you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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