guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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