Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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