he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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