Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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