Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
