pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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