oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
