I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
