i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
