I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
