We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
