her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
please don't ironically join a cult
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