I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
