Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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