I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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