Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
