I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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