Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
