We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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