I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize