Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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