Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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