He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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