bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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