While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
