She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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