Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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