can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
