I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
