I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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