Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
