I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
