I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
