Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He has the fingertips of a God
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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